“Voices influence beliefs. Behaviors follow beliefs.”
Rolfe Carawan said that when he spoke eloquently on the impact of thoughts and encouragement in the TedX talk I have linked below.
If I were to summarize that talk in one sentence it would be, “People need to hear encouragement.”
When I talked yesterday about imposter syndrome, I mentioned the value of encouragement from others. A few days ago, I mentioned the need for a friend to accompany me when I face my fears. And my letter to my daughter about the challenges of loving her sister is encouragement for her, and the rest of us, to keep putting others first, even when it is hard.
So today, instead of talking about how we can stare down our own fears and insecurities, I want to remind us to help someone else as they are fighting their own inner battles.
The voices that we hear the most often and with the strongest intensity are the ones we believe.
That’s why “negative self-talk” can be so damaging.
It’s why verbal abuse is a real thing.
And it’s why just a single “you can do it” from someone we respect can give us the motivation we need to keep going.
Someone in your life is struggling.
That person is filled with negativity, hearing nothing but the voices in his or her own head saying
- “You’re not good enough.”
- “Everything you do is a failure.”
- “Why do you even try?”
That person needs you to offer words of hope and encouragement, words that only you can give because you uniquely understand what they are thinking and feeling
He or she needs to hear you say,
- “Your struggle is real.”
- “You aren’t alone.”
- “You have what it takes to change your circumstances.”
But I don’t tell the world when I need encouragement. Do you?
By the time I start telling my general circle that I’m feeling insecure, I’m actually falling apart. And I’m rather vocal about things. Most people are far less outspoken about their needs.
So, it’s quite likely that this person who needs your encouragement isn’t going to tell you. If they have, they may be in more need than you realize.
So, don’t wait to be asked for help.
Instead, be the encourager that you would need.
Observe the people you are with.
Be quick to praise their efforts and accomplishments, pointing out their strengths and how they have helped and encouraged you.
Listen closely to their comments, paying attention to complaints or what is left “unsaid.”
Watch their situations. If you would need encouragement in their place, give them that encouragement before they ask for it.
Be that breath of fresh air they need, offering a new perspective and the hope that things can improve.
Let people know, they can do this.