Have you ever seen a child in an
That kind of rage frightens other children and it angers adults. It is destructive to property and to relationships. It never produces any positive result.
But with patience and intentional training, children can mature out of such violent outbursts.
At first they may just learn how to keep their anger “small,” by channeling it into exercise or by screaming into a pillow. But as they mature, they begin to learn the difference between justifiable and unjustifiable anger and respond accordingly.
For example, a more mature child can reason out that it isn’t really justified to get angry with a parent who said “No, you may not jump off the dresser.” And they get over it. Then that same child might recognize that their anger at an injustice is appropriate.
My daughter came to me once, furious because the neighbor girls wanted her to climb a tree and bring down a birds nest that had baby birds in it. My daughter said it wasn’t right to take birds away from their mother and that they might die. The other girls pressured her, but she used her anger to resist the pressure and make the right choice.
Similarly, I remember a time when my little brother was being mocked by some older boys. Normally, these boys made me cry and slink home in fear of their harsh words. But I was angry that they would dare to hurt a boy so much younger than them. I stepped forward and said, “Pick on somebody your own size.” And I took him by the hand and led him home, pretending I wasn’t at all afraid of them.
That’s how anger should be used – to provide strength to do the right thing, not to hurt or destroy property or relationships.
It seems like the world is really angry lately.
And it isn’t just at protest rallies.
Anger is spewed all over the internet.
People share anger-evoking memes and headlines with just the click of a button. They see similar posts from friends and become even more angry, and then share those posts. The temperature only goes up.
I agree that the world is full of injustices and cruelty. But if we act like children and shout our anger out to the world just because we are angry, we don’t actually accomplish anything. Except maybe making people run in fear – or shout back. Even worse, some we spread anger to may act out in rage and hurt people and property.
The value of anger is when it has a purpose – to solve a problem or to strengthen resolve to do the right thing.
Consider Martin Luther King Jr. He was certainly angry. But he didn’t call people to be angry and incite them to riots. Instead, he called people to action, inspired them to nonviolent means of protest, organized rallies and protests, etc. He channeled not just his anger, but the anger of an entire culture, and produced tangible, positive change.
Memes and headlines bring anger, sometimes justifiable and sometimes not. But that anger has no purpose or directive, so it is destructive, and never brings about the desired changes. It just bring bitterness and furthers the schism between opposing positions.
Now, if someone shares a headline and then says, “I want to solve this – who is with me? Here’s how I plan to help,” then it isn’t destructive anger – it is purposeful. But I have rarely seen such a thing.
At some point I chose to stop sharing my anger unless it had a clear, actionable plan with it. With the great power of social media making us all leaders to some small group of people, we must be extra careful about shouting out our outrage to the world.
Before pressing share on that next headline, ask yourself – does this give the audience a clear path to help resolve the issue?
If it doesn’t, perhaps it should be left unsaid and unshared.