Never go back.
That’s a rule I have followed my whole adult life. Growth is about moving forward and becoming more than we were yesterday, so going back is the fast track to stagnation.
I remember a time when I was young and had switched jobs and the new one was not the experience I had hoped for.
I occasionally went back and complained to my former coworkers about it. (I probably needed to read my post on gratefulness.) My former coworkers had valued my contribution to their team and so they suggested I return.
When I refused, at first they couldn’t understand it, and I struggled to articulate it. But I finally said to them, “I don’t believe in going backward.”
It was one of the best decisions I ever made.
It wasn’t easy. I had to work through some difficult relationships, wrestle with some immaturities in my character, and take on new projects that were slightly beyond my ability.
But because I refused to go backward, I learned invaluable lessons I couldn’t have gotten any other way.
Had I returned to my old job I would have prevented myself from switching to the rewarding career I now enjoy.
I also would have missed out on many of the very hard but character-building lessons that I was forced to learn in my new role and in all the subsequent ones. So going back would have stunted my growth.
I have held tightly to that mantra ever since, especially when work presents me with a challenge that makes me want to run back to a safe and easy place.
The only way to grow is to go forward.
Except when going back is exactly what you need to grow.
My husband and I had lived in Ohio in our twenties. It was home, and our first daughter was born while we lived here. But for family reasons we moved out of state and were gone for nine years. In that time, I got attached to our new location and put down roots.
I planted gardens, started raising chickens, planted fruit trees, grapevines, and asparagus. I learned to can fruits and jams and generally started into the homesteading routine full speed ahead.
I was happy and at home and had every intention of retiring there.
Then my husband said he wanted to return to Ohio. I wasn’t very happy about the idea, but I reluctantly agreed because it is rare that he has very strong opinions.
At
I fully expected to find out it didn’t fit us anymore.
I was completely wrong.
My children and husband fit right in, laughing and connecting with people immediately. I also felt welcomed and like this could be my new home. At that point, I knew going back was the right choice.
I agreed to not only
It was one of the best decisions I have ever made.
It wasn’t easy.
I cried a lot as I worked through my heartbreak for the life I left behind. I struggled with stress as I tried to find the right place for us to live in this more expensive and far more urban location. And I succumbed to bouts of depression due to the overcast winters and the challenges of working from home instead of an office. (I am not new to seasonal affective disorder, but it hadn’t affected me when we lived down south.)
But because I returned, I have made friendships I never would have otherwise. I have had work opportunities that would not have been possible before I switched to working remotely. And I have found clarity and purpose in my writing.
Had I not returned
- I would not have been forced to learn how to let go of things I love in order to focus on what matters.
- I would not have had the chance to work with a local charity that I fell in love with this year.
- And I would not have had the important practice of acting on my love for my family by putting their needs over my wants.
So really, my mantra “Never go back” doesn’t mean “never return to where you came from.”
It means, “Never sacrifice personal growth for the easy path.”
It’s far too natural for us to do what is comfortable and easy, but that keeps us stunted.
Never go back.
Never stay put.
Always push forward into the challenge in front of you, even though it is hard and scary and makes you homesick.
It is the first step we all must take to become more tomorrow than we are today. It is the essential step for personal growth.